dissolving

i am reading a great book at the moment - the speed of light by Elizabeth Rosner- it is about loss and grief and anxiety but it is loving and gentle

one character in the book is compiling terms for a scientific dictionary and one of the terms is

Deliquescent: Having the property of picking up moisture from the air to such an extent as to dissolve in it; becoming 
liquid on exposure to air

and i thought about how, when my heart is the most open i feel like i am dissolving into the world

how when i am alive to the magic and beauty everywhere i feel like i soak it in and it begins to dissolve me... 

that used to scare me

like i would lose myself if i was disappated in that way,

if there was nothing tangible left of me...

and now it seems that dissolving into the beauty of the world that is all around me,

being part of that green out my window, the little poodle curled up in the weak sunshine, the blue in my sleeve, the hum of the diswasher, the headtiltedgaze of the speckly thrush ...

that having the essence of me dissolved into that is what being alive is all about

feeling like the world is part of you 

that the exquisite beauty of the ordinary is where the magic of God/Goddess/All That Is lies

and that by surrendering to that we are found  .