look what we have to cherish... Whananaki coastline.
For weeks now i have been driving down my road and tut-tutting about the rubbish that is on the corner.
Crap all along the side of the road so i had a talk to myself and decided i could no longer leave it there tsking and expecting someone else to take responsibility.
So today, armed with rubber gloves and a rubbish bag I went and cleaned up. One full bag in 100m.
There were broken bottles and paper and plastic and straws. And one banana skin.
And so I got to thinking about where the rubbish came from. It was all, apart from one banana skin and the rotted down things i could not see, from shit food.
McDonalds, V (an "energy drink" with stupid amounts of caffeine in) and beer and RTDs (ready to drink spirit and soda mixes) and chocolate bars.
Now I am no purist. I have chocolate and beer myself. I don't eat as healthily as I could I am the first to admit.
But there was something about the content of the rubbish that made me think about self care and who would do that rubbish chucking.... I began to think that if you don't care about your health (and eat that kinda stuff regularly and without consuming other stuff) then you possibly in a cycle of not feeling very good. In your body. In your spirit.
And if you don't feel very good you are seldom able to be generous. And if you are not generous you are unable to consider the impact of your actions on others. And it becomes OK to chuck rubbish out the window of your car onto the side of the road, where it gets in the waterways and buggers them up.
If you don't care for yourself, how can you care for the planet?
She is, for me a part of me. If i am taking care of myself, I am automatically drawn to taking care of the planet.
If people learn self care they are filled up and not living in a sense of lack. They are able to reach out and care for others. Their family, their community, the planet.
There is something about the wound in us that makes the salve of fast food appealing but it keeps us in a trap of feeling bad in our bodies. Keeps us stuck.
And keeps us fucking with this treasure of a planet we live on.
What do you think?
i was reflecting on parenting this morning as i swept the kitchen floor...
let me add a disclaimer right here that i don't think i am a parenting type of person - more than anything i have done parenting scares the shit out of me...
i mean all of that responsibility - CEOs hold a lot of power for sure (and get recompensed for it) but parents hold lives in their hands - sure not in such a dramatic way as ICU staff do but the slow burning power to hurt or heal lives is in a parent's hands everyday...
Initially i wished it was like ICU where you could get a diagnostic test and figure out the answer based on predictable variables - potassium too low and risking heart attack? just put up a KCl infusion... you know a+b = c
But (to labour the ICU metaphor) with my kids the alarms were going off and i didn't know the answers - or even what part of my child's equipment was beeping ... i could just feel something wasn't right...
so then i would try something and 2 times out of ten it would work but 8 times not... and then i would resort to my left brain "there must be an explanation, an expert out there so i would buy one more parenting book and equip myself with a whole raft of shoulds... which would invariably sink and leave me gasping for breath on the shore of the island of self recrimination (wow from ICU to shipwrecks in one paragraph...)
slowly i learned that making even more shoulds wound me up, made me more likely to do the things i hated - yelling at my kids for example
i learned to trust my instincts a little more
and i learned to allow myself permission to make mistakes
to fuck it up from time to time even
because then i can call it what it is
"Shit i fucked that up" and get on with the job of fixing it for next time
It allows me the leeway to say to my kids things like
"I am really tired and i have used up all my patience, if you do that again i am going to yell so help me ok?"
i make copious mistakes
i always go to bed thinking that i could have done that better
but i am more able to right myself after a storm blows through and puts me off course because i don't have those guilty self abusive ballast stones inside me
it stands me in good stead as a developing artist - i can allow myself the freedom to try stuff and fuck that up too without thinking i should give it up and never do anything else... and considering i need to practise and turn up everyday that is very very handy...
and i hope my girls are learning about self care and perfectionism too...