it seems like i am no longer able to just do the expected thing
i am being required to show up
to live as evidence of my truth
to be as the amazing Pixie Campbell says " a walking prayer"
this is bloody hard
i have to be brave, i have to do things that i can see displease others, i have to make time to do my work,
these things are against my training (to give give give to others without replenishment)
doing them has a whole cheerleading squad of inner critics on an occupy movement in my head
but when i step up anyway, to the easel, to the altar, to the outdoors, to my friends, to this course i am pouring my heart into, then the critics are less audible and i get to see beauty unfold
one visible way i can explain this is the amazing women who are attracted to WILD - i mean fucking amazing
another way is with my painting... i have been turning up to my easel and engaging with what is there - not the artcritic with the beret but the colours and the movement - and i have been excited by what unfolds
but then i was called to go a whole other level...Pixie had shown us on SouLodge how to journey with the plant people... and so i journeyed with harakeke- flax,,, asking her if i could share her essence on the canvas and this showed up - it is not finished and is a bad photograph i am sorry but she excites me so much i feel part of the essence of that amazing,tenacious, giving, connecting plant present when i look at this...
i am stepping up to hold the space for ceremony, spirit, beauty and light to work through me
this is holy work